I write to you with a heavy heart.

I waited for the pain to go away before I wrote to you.

It was only last night I realised that the pain may never really go away. But maybe what I tell you today may help you when things happen that are out of your control.

My dad went into hospital twice in the last 3 months. The second time, he never came back home.

He passed away on July 10th and my prayer that we would all be there with him when the time came was answered .My sister and I were holding my dad’s hand as he left us to go to Heaven.

Grief is a weird emotion.

It’s unique to each one of us.

My family is reacting in different ways.

Some are angry , others can’t stop crying , me I feel like the child in me has died. It makes me want to cry and get angry but I can’t and I don’t know why.

All my life, since I was a little kid, my biggest fear was losing my mom and dad.

I keep thinking ‘ I wish my mom and dad were healthy and still with me’  but sometimes in

life, things happen that are beyond our control and we are left behind, feeling lost and heartbroken.

Since losing my dad, a part of me has been scared to think about the future. A lot of random thoughts kept going through my head like:

Whose going to love me unconditionally ?

Why did my worst fear have to come true ?

Whose going to be excited when my book becomes a best seller?

Who can I call and talk to & get the right advice ?

Whose going to wait for me to visit so they can ask for my favourite meal to be prepared?

Whose going to spoil me and look out for me ?

Whose going to celebrate my success like my mom and dad would have?

I wanted to share 2 things that’s helping me deal with the pain I’m going through; I hope it helps you deal with your trials too.

I know I did not come up with these 2 perspectives ( I think it was divine grace or my dad maybe that put these thoughts in my head.)

1. I went from “Why me GOD?”to “What is the blessing in this situation GOD?”

The blessing is that my dad’s not in pain anymore and my faith tells me that he’s happy to be reunited with my mom and even his mom, whom he lost when he was only 18.

2. I also know that there’s a greater force in charge of all of our lives, watching out for us when we feel completely alone and helpless.

No matter what trials you’re going through remember there is a bigger force in charge of your life and you will not be forsaken.

When stuff happens,  look for the blessing & remember don’t focus on the pain. Instead, focus on the force greater than you.

That’s the only saving grace you will ever need.

Lastly, these are the 10 words I mentioned in my last email that have helped me get through the toughest times in life.

When I thought it was impossible for me to do something – these 10 words made it miraculously possible;

“I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me”

Thank you for letting me into your inbox and taking the time to read my email.